I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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