i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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