There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
