mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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