THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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