Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
