In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
