I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
