His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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