it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
