My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
