Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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