Sponge bath it is.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
