I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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