is your mom at the bar?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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