FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
