I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I will be naked everywhere
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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