I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
