is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
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I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
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Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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