If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
