Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
