I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
