By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
