I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
