Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Is it because I queefed?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
