the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
