Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
