Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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