I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
