Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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