I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
