Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize