plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
