You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
