She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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