I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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