I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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