Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
