he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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