I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
