he wants to bone in the snuggie
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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