really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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