true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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