guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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