Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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