dude i'm inner monologue high
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
