I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
