Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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