Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
