Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
