.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
