I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
