love makes seman taste better
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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