A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
