I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
