The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
