"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
