so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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