im having a threesome with these popsicles
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
