I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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