It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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