I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think people are normalizing furries
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
