He asked to "fluff my boner.."
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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