i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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