soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
