omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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