Will you blow on my dice?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
