this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
