Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
