Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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