around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
