Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
