I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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