I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
