and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You're a waste of cheezeits
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
